15th February, 2023
We were lucky enough to catch up with Capstone foster carer, Ben who has been fostering with Capstone for over ten years with his wife Shelley, to talk about their experiences and the ups and downs that comes from being foster carers.
Both Ben and Shelley have always been in the business of helping others, and both remain in their roles with Ben working with young offenders while Shelley works with adults with learning disabilities. But what bought them to fostering when they both have fulfilling careers?
It was after seeing the plight of children affected by radiation poisoning in Belarus that gave the couple the motivation to want to do even more, and after ten years with Capstone they have not looked back.
“Capstone was very small when we first started.” Ben commented,
Indeed, many things have changed in that time, however, one thing that hasn’t is that Ben and Shelley still use the carer support groups that Capstone provides for its carers.
Ben told us that the support groups have evolved over time as well. Ten years ago they were small unstructured affairs that gave carers an outlet to share experiences and get advice from their peers.
Ben continues, “when you start as a foster carer you think that you can save the world, the support groups really do prop you up when the day-to-day realities begin to set in.”
To this day there are four or five foster carers that Ben and Shelley still meet up with on a regular basis as a result of the support groups. They will meet up for a coffee and a chat, having shared experiences and someone who can empathise with current struggles is crucial. The other bonus is the opportunity for the foster children to mix as well, also giving them someone who relates to them.
Ben spoke about the various situations that you can be exposed to as a foster carer, the role is complex and challenging but seeing a child progress under your care is so rewarding.
We had to ask, with his level of experience, why continue to attend the support groups?
And like Ben and Shelley’s experiences, the support groups have evolved becoming more structured, now with agendas and opportunities for feedback, and business updates which Ben and Shelley find useful.
In a post COVID world, Ben and Shelley are happy to see the return of face-to-face support.
The road you take when you become a foster carer is not always an easy one, and the system can feel like it is working against you. Ben advises to hold tight to your values, to remember why you set out on a fostering journey in the first place.
He tells that it is important to follow the guidelines and use every opportunity of the support offered, lean on your support groups, and always ask your Supervising Social Worker any questions that you have.
Another thing that Ben was keen to talk about was the positive effects that fostering has had on his and Shelley’s own children, they have grown to be kinder, more empathetic and emotionally mature adults.
“We have found that we have been able to adopt a more therapeutic approach in all of our parenting, and all of our children are the better for it.”
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