The urge to foster has always been there for me, I love children and knew they would be part of my life one way or another. Although you might not have believed that if you met me when I was younger! I’ve always been driven, no matter what I set my mind too. I was very career driven and quickly climbed the corporate ladder in operations at House of Fraser. I always have a plan and like to work ten years in advance, I always knew I’d retire early and then travel. With those goals fulfilled, I moved to Manchester with my husband and desired a different pace of life, we wanted to make a difference, so we began fostering.
That was back in 2019, and we haven’t looked back. We have two foster children who are siblings who’ve been with us the whole time, what started as quick short-term arrangement soon moved to long-term and now they’ll be with us until they’re eighteen and beyond if they want to – they’re family.
Faith is a personal journey, and as long as you are fulfilling the main tenants then how you practice your religion is very much unique to you as a person.
Our foster children are both Muslim, as are me and my husband, so the balance isn’t tricky but a natural one. When they came to us, they already had the foundations of Islam, so it was up to me to nurture that. I supported and guided them, but their journey is still very much their own.
One of the main differences we noticed when they first arrived was culturally as I’m from India, whereas they were from Pakistan. But we’re all human beings at the end of the day. What I wanted to do was guide them to have an open mind and think for themselves.
Islam is a religion of peace. It’s fluffy and it floats.
I come from a big family with eighteen nephews and nieces, with a whole host of ages and backgrounds. They’re exposed so many cultures and backgrounds and taught the beauty of them all. We should celebrate our differences as well as our similarities.
By far the biggest challenge was establishing trust. I have to be honest; it took the better part of a year to get there but it was so worthwhile to be gentle and go at their pace. Their interpretation of foster care was a negative one, that they were being taken from their families, that we didn’t care about them and only did it for the money. However, what they’d been led to believe was at odds with what they were experiencing.
Deep down they were beginning to realise that they were warm, they were well fed, they were safe. It must have been so confusing for them, but we earned their trust by showing up every single day and listening to what they had to say.
Of course, it’s a time of adjustment for us as foster carers too. Things you take for granted when you come from a supportive background, you don’t realise what these children have truly been through until you’re living it with them. For me, it was the ‘magpie-ing’, they came with barely any belongings, so they collected everything. My foster son was obsessed with my fridge magnet collection from all the places I’d travelled, so I gave them to him. Those little things meant the world. I taught them that it was safe for them to ask me for anything. Sometimes the answer is yes, but when the answer’s no, I’ll always explain why. Finding balance is important.
Finding more Muslim foster carers is crucial, it’s important that children keep their connection with their faith. It’s hard enough for them adjusting to life in care without feeling like they’re losing that closeness to their identity. When a cultural match is made, it’s so much easier to help them continue to observe that way of life. I know foster carers from all walks of life, and they’re amazing, but a non-cultural match can put them on the back-foot in supporting these children who’ve been learning the Qur’an from an early age.
That being said, we celebrate everything! Why not? I love to use every opportunity to celebrate in this world.
We have our faith that we share together, and our own journey’s our faith takes us on. But I want them to celebrate everything and understand others as much as possible. Christmas time? We have a tree! Diwali? We get involved! Why not celebrate others’ beliefs as well as our own? Islam is a religion of love, and we embrace that. Our social circle is very diverse. We’re living in diverse times and you can be both religious while being open and accepting.
There’s a lot of misconceptions when it comes to foster care. That you don’t have time, that it will stop you from travelling, that it will cause a disconnect from your loved ones. But this isn’t the case, the only thing we do differently is that me and my husband don’t go on holiday alone together anymore – we take our foster children. But we love that, I’m so happy I get to give them that opportunity in life. I want them to thrive.
And far from disconnect with our loved ones, we have a whole village of support that surrounds us.
My family live in London, and our foster children love having the chance to visit the big city to see the sights and visit them. My family has become theirs. They’ve even arranged their own Ludo tournaments with them! Then we do Friday night dinners with the in-laws. Everyone is a huge support.
In fact, several of my Muslim friends have become foster carers after seeing my experiences first hand – I’ll refer anyone who’s able!
If anything, fostering has brought us closer together.
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